CONspiracy Alert

Conspiracy Theories Abound.  Some are silly, some are strange, and some are flat out sick – the musings of minds in desperate need of medical attention…but…

WHAT IF….Donald Trump’s announced diagnosis of Covid19 is nothing more than a plot to avoid the long and legendary arm of the law? “ How?” you ask.  Well, maybe like this:

A report, issued by the White House Thursday night, informs the world that Donald Trump has contracted Covid19, the diabolical hoax virus that affects almost no one. Shortly thereafter, Donald is flown by helicopter to nearby Walter Reed Hospital.  The details of his status and treatment are closely guarded secrets, so secret, in fact, that even his attending physicians are not permitted to know. 

Meanwhile, in another part of Trump Town,  his Legion of Lunatic Lemmings frantically pace their trailers, clutching their guns and smacking their gums. “Oh my God, what are we going to do? Gladys, where did I put my teeth?”Have you looked in the Spittoon?”   

Back at Walter Reed, though unconfirmed, a new story is spreading: Trump is dead! Moments later, Twitter is flooded with reports of the passing of Donald John Trump.  And then the official announcement from Fox TV’s visibly sobbing Tucker Carlson:
“The China Virus has claimed another victim — Donald Trump, our beloved 45th president of the United States, is dead”.

Suddenly, in shacks and shanties, bars and barnyards, there is much gnashing of teeth…or there will be, as soon as they find their teeth, and millions of weeping, wailing, MAGA hat wearing, butt crack bearing, off-spring of the marriage of cousins polish their guns and promise revenge.

Covered by a newly made (in China) American flag, a gurney carrying the body of the deceased president  is wheeled from his private hospital room, loaded onto a waiting helicopter, and flown to an undisclosed location, where it will be prepared for its final Reality Show appearance.

A White House Press Release informs the world that Donald John Trump, America’s 45th president, the greatest president in the history of the United States, has died, but only after fighting a valiant battle against the most evil enemy America has ever faced. No one has ever fought as bravely as he did!  The president’s last words were: “I am the strongest president in the history of presidents. No president has EVER fought this enemy, but I fought it and I fought it better than ANY one’s ever fought it, and I love my people SO much that I am giving my life for them!”  The Press Release concluded with the news that the body of Donald J. Trump, the most brilliant president America has ever known, will lie in state in the Capitol Rotunda until all his cherished followers, friends and family members have been able to pay their final respects, at which time he will be buried, with full military honors, in Arlington Memorial Cemetery, as befits the bravest Commander-In-Chief this nation has ever been fortunate enough to know.

In keeping with standard protocol, flags throughout Washington D.C. are lowered, then raised to half-staff.  Amid a hectic storm of activities in the White House, led by Ivanka Trump, a lavish  funeral is being arranged. News crews from around the world plant their cameras and shoot anyone and anything that moves. Anything except the one most important thing – the one thing they will never know.

As the sun begins to set and the October skies darken over the nation’s capital, no one notices the unmarked Boeing 757 jet as it takes off from Andrews Air Force Base and heads east, over the Atlantic Ocean.  A Steward pushes a food-laden trolly into the the plane’s silk-lined master bedroom.  Removing the solid gold lids from two large dinner plates, he exposes four McDonald’s Cheeseburgers, four containers of French Fries, and four bottles of Diet Coke, then turns on his heels and walks out of the room.

Hearing the door close, Donald John Trump studies himself in his 24-karat-gold-framed bathroom mirror and laughs. Patting down one errant strand of hair, he winks at his mirror image, walks out of the bathroom, and seats himself in front of his dinner.  As he digs into his favorite meal, he clicks the TV remote and the giant screen on the far wall comes to life, showing him thousands of MAGA hat-wearing, gun-toting, adoring disciples as they weep uncontrollably over the loss of their adored leader.  “Man, I am good!” he says as he shoves one half of a Cheeseburger into his mouth and reaches for a Diet Coke.

What if…?

–Y.Not?! (aka Brooke Jones)

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Author: Y.Not?! (aka Brooke Jones)

Author; Blogger; Meme Maven (Facebook/CampMemeADay); Political Satirist; former SF and LA radio personality; Stand-Up Comedian turned Sit-Down Comedian (due to ever advancing decrepitude); Breast Cancer Warrior; Creator of CardBard Greetings & Ima Crone, Gypsy Crone Queen of Snarklandia (zazzle.com/thecardoutlet) -- Y.Not?!

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