To date, 44 Americans have worn the title of President of the United States. Grover Cleveland is counted in the history books as our 22nd and 25th President because he, unlike all others, served two non-consecutive terms of office. (put that in your “Now I’m ready for Jeopardy” file).
A brief summary of what they did to earn that highest of all elected offices includes: Soldier; War Hero; Senator; Congressman; Governor; Movie Star; Ambassador; Attorney; Judge, and…host of a TV Game Show.
The common denominator: all are of the male persuasion — all but one was of the Caucasian variety. If there is another common trait, it would appear to be that, not counting the current occupier of the Oval Office, all spoke fluent English and had mastered the fine art of articulate, if not always eloquent speech. Of course, several Presidents of the recent past have managed to make a unique mark on the linguistic history of America by uttering such pearls of Presidential wisdom as: “I am not a crook” (Richard Nixon); “I admit to having had lust in my heart” (Jimmy Carter); “Ketchup is a vegetable” (Ronald Reagan); “I never had sexual relations with that woman” (Bill Clinton); “the problem with the French is that they don’t have a word for ‘entrepreneur’” (George W. Bush).
Ah, but now the Oval Office is occupied by a true master of elocution — a man whose talent for articulation knows no equal – a man who has lowered the bar so “bigly” that to reach it requires deep-sea diving equipment. Whether by tongue or by thumb – in deranged declarations or tempestuous Tweets – the 300lb sack of festering fecal matter has shared his insanity with the world. Here now, for your reading pleasure, I offer but a few of his more mind-boggling utterances.
“Puerto Rico is an island that is surrounded by water — big water – ocean water”, and it is a sovereign nation; England is no longer known as England; George Washington stationed troops at American airports in 1775; the U.S. Air Force has invisible airplanes; people who pay income tax are stupid; Global Warming is a fake concept created by the Chinese; dropping a nuclear bomb into the eye of a hurricane is a good way to stop it in its tracks; drilling for oil will clean the environment; windmills cause Cancer; it would take an hour and a half to learn everything there is to learn about missiles; America can never suffer a Recession because Americans are rich; New York Times reporters “don’t write good”; mothers who breast-feed are ‘disgusting’; grabbing women by their lady parts is something they welcome, if the grabber is a celebrity, and, more recently, he achieved a new high in lows by proudly proffering “Congratulations” to Poland on the 80th anniversary of its invasion by Nazi Germany!
Would I be wrong to say that never before in the history of America have the words “Stuff a sock in it!” been uttered more often or with more passion? I think not. How dumb is too dumb? How cruel is too cruel?? When will enough be enough?!?
—Y.Not?! (aka Brooke Jones)
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